My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.

Chat

Husband has a secret twitter and adultwork account

51 replies

LouizA1980 · 08/01/2014 08:23

Hi, this is my first post on here but i desperately need the views of some other mums as i don't feel able to discuss this with friends/family.
It all started when my sister said i should sign up to twitter! Well i did and on searching for members with my family name,out of curiosity,i discovered that my husband had an account were he was following a lot of attractive women, some standard from TV but there were numerous porn stars and other women associated with chat TV channels. When i initially asked him about twitter he denied having an account and played dumb. By the time i confronted him about it he'd already deleted some of the women he was following and said how sorry he was for lying etc. I was obviously upset and felt like my confidence had taken a battering. Having had a baby 9 months ago i am feeling quite low about the way i look and my bust has always been small- the women he was following all had large breasts! Anyway, i thought that was the end of it but i felt that he was holding back about something so i did something that i have never done before and looked at his phone. I discovered that he had an account on adultwork! When i confronted him he was horrified and again was extremely apogetic about the upset he had caused me. He had been viewing women on the site and paying to view there pictures and videos. He claims that he never contacted any of the women as the thought of sleeping with an escort sickened him?! He said there was just something about the whole thing that turned him on! I forced him to log in to the account but he had already deleted lots of info but 2 things that really bothered me was that he was looking at women in our local area and had called himself a different name- why? He was buying credit for the site via his mobile phone to prevent me from seeing anything on our statements.I also discovered that he has been viewing pictures of some TV stars/ celebs in a state of undress at certain times of the day- suggesting he is only looking for one reason!
I am really struggling to get this out of my head and move on. There is part of me that feels like i've never known who he really is. I've always trusted him and now i don't no if i can ever fully trust him again. We have 2 young children so i desperately want to try and work it out and move on. I just feel so low. I was only just on the mend having suffered from PND after the birth of our 9 month old and this has really knocked me down again. Your views/ opinions are very welcome- positive or negative! I just don't no what to do! Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Report
Mellowandfruitful · 08/01/2014 08:27

Sorry to say this but I would be very sceptical about his claim that he made no other use of Adultwork. If you do a search for it on here you will find other threads about it.

Report
Sunflower49 · 08/01/2014 08:41

I would be sceptical too, however bear in mind that It's quite possible to buy camshows/content on adultwork without ever going near an escort-and I know plenty of men who buy camshows/watch porn but wouldn't pay for sex.

When you say he's been looking at women in the local area, who do you mean, escorts or camgirls?

I am on adultwork and often search local escorts out of curiosity. There is no saying he hasn't done the same...

Don't get me wrong, his lies are terrible and I am not sticking up for somebody who has hurt you badly.But being on adultwork does not mean he's paying for sex. For me personally, if a partner was using camgirls/looking at porn behind my back, I think I could salvage (an otherwise good!)relationship. If he had been paying for sex with escorts,that would be a different thing altogether.

Is it possible for you to stay with a friend/family member for a bit? What exactly have you said to him about this situation? Has he said why he's done it?

Report
LouizA1980 · 08/01/2014 10:37

Thanks for the responses.

He has been looking at escorts. He claims that he has no interest in webcams, eventhough he has obviously been curious about it as i found a link were he attempted to get a freeview. He says he just has a thing about escorts which he has not been able to explain to me fully. He claims he doesn't really know himself! He said that he looked locally out of curiosity and nothing else. I'm really not sure why he has done it but he did say on one occasion that porn was not enough. Porn has never really been my thing but i understand why he looks and can accept that but escorts is another matter and viewing escorts vidoes and pictures seems more personal in my opinion. I have spoken to him and told him exactly how i feel. I have said that i am willing to be more open about porn in our relationship and he accepts that.He has promised that he will never view any escort websites again- he had viewed others! He says that he doesn't want to lose me so would go near the website again. I am scepticle about this because he was clearly a frequent visitor to the site and from what i can gather its been going on for over 2 years!

OP posts:
Report
Cbeebijeebies · 08/01/2014 11:02

curiosity and nothing else

Local escorts? If he wasn't going to use them then why not look at any old escorts, rather than ones nearby? He may not have done it yet but I think you can safely say the intent was forming at least. So sorry OP. Nothing throws you off balance confidence wise like having had a baby within the last year. I hope this doesn't affect your confidence & you can direct that hurt outwards instead of inwards Thanks

Report
MissScatterbrain · 08/01/2014 11:08

I am afraid he is lying and minimising.

Instead of sharing his joy and pleasure in being a new father, he has been spending family money on buying women's bodies for his own sexual gratification. Deleting stuff shows he has no intention of being honest.

Check bank and credit card statements for more evidence.

And get tested for STDs Sad

Report
Cbeebijeebies · 08/01/2014 11:10

^ It would be much more salvagable if he wasn't continuing to disrespect you by lying further/deleting evidence...

Report
Buzzardbird · 08/01/2014 11:20

You need to tell him it is a 'deal breaker'. Why do you feel you have to compromise your feelings and be "more open" about porn? It is a misogynistic and abusing industry, why do you need to be ok with that?
If you feel you need space you do not need to uproot your DC's and stay with someone else, he can bloody well go! You didn't do anything wrong, he did!
You need to stand up for your opinions on porn though. Don't be a 'cool wife'

Report
Buzzardbird · 08/01/2014 11:21

I would also report this post and ask them to put it in 'relationships' topic if I were you as you get really 'informed' posters on there that give brilliant advice.

Report
SinisterSal · 08/01/2014 11:25

How magnanimous of him to accept you changing your views on porn.

Lots of men view porn and genuinely don't see anything wrong with it. Lots of women too (I'm not one, tbh) but once you know it was important to your DW surely you'd pick a happy marriage over a convenient wank?

It's the deleting stuff that seems suspicious to me. He hardly deleted the innocent stuff, did he? what he left was icky enough. This is horrible OP I hope you find a way through.

Report
HowlingTrap · 08/01/2014 11:28

Oh dear how awful op, whilst people do google stuff out of curiosity and account is another matter, when I read he has a twitter following porn stars and other women? its just to much together to dismiss. I would be confronting.

Report
Grumpasaurus · 08/01/2014 14:08

OP, is this really something you want to recover from? Porn is one thing, and although I am not personally a fan of it, have no concerns about those who are in relationships where it is enjoyed.

This is a bit different, however. What you have evidence of is low level use of prostitution. I suspect what he has deleted the evidence for is something a little more sordid.

I know you have DPs... Is this what you want them to learn is okay?

Report
sykadelic15 · 08/01/2014 18:25

Such pointless lies...

Twitter. If he'd told you about it would you have made an account and done it together? Would you have looked at it periodically? My reasons for asking is twitter is really just a stupid thing to lie about. Following "hot" women probably has to do with getting regular sexy photos of them. Daily porn. Once he realised you found it he stopped following some of the people. Either to hide the really bad ones, or because he realised it was wrong.

Adultwork I'd never heard of so I googled it. "providing a safe and anonymous environment where individuals can distribute and market their own adult products, services and content. Those who seek to avail themselves of such services can maintain their requirements online and browse the services on offer with ease.". It's not like he "accidentally" found the site and didn't know what it was for. He made an account. He deleted things and you STILL found stuff that distressed you. He was searching locally... that's the worst part really.

I agree with everyone else that there's probably more going on that you know. He's probably also spent a LOT more money than you know and I'd go to the bank and get some statements (or log online, whatever you need to). I'd also get copies of phone bills. BUT before I checked them I'd sit down with him and tell him how bad this is. I'd ask him to tell me everything, that this is his chance to start rebuilding the trust, and tell him if I found out he'd lied, that would be it. Then I'd check the statements to confirm what he'd told me.

Unfortunately though, your trust was broken pretty badly and you shouldn't HAVE to do investigating on him!

Report
SabraCadabra · 09/01/2014 21:32

Ive had a good old nosey on Adultwork and Punternet. I too looked in local area to see if any were local to us we may know.Just pure curiosity nothing more. Its possible he was just having a nosey.

Report
WillowR · 15/01/2014 15:02

My ex partner did the exact same. The fact he was looking at local escorts suggest he was looking to meet up. And the twitter account was obviously be unused for dodgy stuff or why would he not tell you about? What a jerk! I had my ex out the door as soon as he found out. I cannot understand why you would even consider staying with him. Makes me grateful for the loyal man I have

Report
yeravinalaugh · 22/10/2014 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mrwillywonkasbitch · 23/10/2014 15:32

I found out my DP had been watching babe station on sky. the fact that I'm a big girl and they're the opposite to me killed a bit of me inside the self confidence I once had has vanished and I don't think I'll ever forgive him sorry your going through this OP I know it's not nice

Report
Jolleigh · 26/10/2014 17:44

Not read any responses yet but the fact that he was searching for LOCAL women on adultwork says a lot. They wouldn't need to be local if he's just getting videos. And he's only admitting to the things you're catching him doing, as and when you find out. He wouldn't admit to doing more if you don't find evidence of it.

It's a fecking evil site. My ex cheated on me in my own bed with a woman from adultwork the one time I went away. I'd also been told the account was just for videos/'harmless fun'.

Report
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:46

this is a zombie thread, bumped a few days ago for ? nefarious reasons

Report
Jolleigh · 26/10/2014 17:49

Huh, so it is. Ta Happy

Report
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:51

Sorry about your experience, Jolleigh. What a fucking scumbag.

Report
Jolleigh · 26/10/2014 17:54

Indeed he is. He did worse later in the relationship. More fool me for forgiving him that time eh?

Report
HappyHalloweenMotherFucker · 26/10/2014 17:56

More fool him for being such a Fucking Loser.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Jolleigh · 26/10/2014 18:03

Hear hear Wine

Report
firebird24 · 01/12/2014 17:59

Im afraid ive had dealings with this website in the past, men paying for content is only the tip of the iceberg, they are there to book time with the women on there pure and simple. Paying for the content eg videos and pics is just to keep their disgusting animal lust at bay in the meantime!

Carrie x

Report
rob1969 · 04/02/2015 21:53

I used Adultwork and it cost me my marriage. He may well have been seeing escorts.

But dont do what my ex wife did and just blow the marriage out of the water. Using Adultwork is a symptom there is something lacking in the marriage so seek help first. You have recently had a baby so I suspect tiredness has affected your physical relationship. You need to try to have time occasionally to yourselves, to try to rekindle some of that romance. Try getting that time together and try watching some porn that turns both of you on. Men are like kids; they need to feel wanted and if everything in your marriage revolves always around bringing up children then a man may feel neglected and so may look elsewhere for some excitement. Men with a family usually want to stay together but some of us will be pushed to take the risk if we feel neglected or our "disgusting animal lust' (what an ignorant lady you are firebird 24) takes hold in the absence of a satisfying physical relationship. We aren't perfect, but we do deserve a second chance, and most importantly, the children do too.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.