How to Sign a Sympathy Card

Co-authored by Joseph Phillips

Last Updated: March 16, 2024 Approved

When someone has lost a loved one, it can be hard to know the right thing to say. How could words possibly make a difference in a time of such grief? But sending a sympathy card with a genuine, heartfelt message will help the grieving person feel cared for and loved, providing a little comfort in a time of great sorrow. See Step 1 and beyond for guidance on composing a thoughtful sympathy card note.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Striking the Right Note

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1
Start with an appropriate salutation. The most common way to begin a sympathy card note is to start with the word "Dear." You could also write "Dearest," or simply start with the person's name. Avoid starting with "Hi" or another casual salutation - err on the side of being a little formal.
- Address the person to whom you're writing as you'd normally address that person. If you're writing to a teacher you normally call "Ms. Frankel," address her that way in the card. If you're writing to someone you know well, using the person's first name is appropriate.
- If the card is meant to express sympathy to an entire family, and not just one person, write each person's name out. If you don't know the names of everyone in the family, you could write "Sarah and family."
2
Write how sorry you are about the person's passing. Say how sorry you are to hear that the deceased has passed away, and if you knew the person, mention his or her name. If you didn't know the person, you can refer to him or her as "your mother" or "your grandfather," and so on. For example:
- I am so sorry that Miles has passed away after his long battle with cancer.
- I am deeply grieved to hear of Margaret's passing.
- Words can't express how sorry I am that June is gone.
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3
If you don't know the person well, consider keeping it brief. Ending your note after briefly expressing sympathy is perfectly acceptable for a note you're sending to someone you don't know very well. Include a phrase that is conventional and has no chance of being misconstrued. Choose to write something like "thinking of you in sympathy" or "please accept my condolences" if you wish to keep the note on the short side. This is especially appropriate if the sympathy card you're using already has a printed poem or note inside. Examples of other appropriate brief sentiments include:
- You are in my thoughts.
- Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
- We are thinking of you.
- I'm praying for you during this difficult time.
- We will honor the memory of [deceased] during this time of sorrow.
- [Deceased] will always be in our thoughts.
If you knew the person who passed away, write how much you will miss him or her, and share a few things you remember. Demonstrating a shared grief will make the recipient of the card feel less lonely during his or her time of loss. Briefly mention something special about the person, or how much that person meant to you.
Writing a few words that invite the person to call you or reach out to you if you are needed will probably be welcome. Be sure you're ready to follow up on it if the person indeed reaches out for help.^{[1]
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6
End your note with an appropriate closing. If you know the person well, you may simply want to write "Love," then sign your name. If you're sending a card to someone for whom that closing wouldn't be right, choose a closing that best expresses your feelings and your relationship to the person.^{[2]
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Research source} For example:
- With caring thoughts,
- With loving memories,
- With love,
- With deepest sympathy,
- With heartfelt condolences,
- Our sincere sympathy,

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Addressing Specific Situations

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1
Write an intimate message if you knew the deceased well. You'll naturally have memories to share and a bit more to say if you knew the person who passed away. Consider writing a draft on a separate piece of paper so you can get your thoughts down before you compose the note on your sympathy card. Think about what you knew about the deceased, and try to come up with a natural-sounding, heartfelt note. Here are a few examples:
- Dear Steve, We were incredibly sorry to hear that Joan passed away. She was a kind, caring friend who always made time for other people, and we loved her. Her students will remember her as a devoted teacher and wonderful role model. If you need help running errands, keeping the house in order, or anything at all, please don't hesitate to call us. We love you and are thinking of you. With deepest sympathy, Marcia and Luke
- Dear Mary Ann and Juan, it's impossible to express how sorry we are that your beautiful daughter has passed away after her struggle. What a brave, joyful child she was. We will miss her every day. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your two sons. If there is anything we can do, please call us. With love, Hayden and Dwayne
2
Express sincere condolences if you never met the deceased. While you won't be able to share memories of the person, you can speak to the person's reputation or simply express how sorry you are for your friend or family member's loss. Here are a few examples:
- Dear Molly, I am so sorry to hear that your father passed away. Though I never got the chance to meet him, I know how much everyone at St. Paul's admired his volunteer work. How wonderful that you were able to spend so much time with him in his final days. Please call me if you need anything or just want to talk. I'm thinking of you. With sympathy, Jim
- Dear Victor, I was very sad to hear the news about your brother Hector. I know how close the two of you were. If there's anything I can do to help, please don't hesitate to call. Warmest condolences, Alicia
3
Write a heartfelt message to acknowledge the death of a pet. The same sincere sentiments should be expressed when you're writing a sympathy card to someone whose pet has died. Try to remember a few details about the pet to include. Here are a few examples:
- Dear Lucia, I'm very sorry that Shadow has passed away. I remember when you first adopted him 13 years ago. What a wonderful companion he was. Our walks won't be the same without him trotting by your side. With love and hugs, Jules
- Bobby, I heard the news about your sweet Birdie. She was such a special cat. It's hard to believe she won't be romping around the garden next spring like she always loved to do when the weather started warming up. Thinking of you, Jordan

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Knowing Sympathy Card Etiquette

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1
Always send a card, not an email. Even if you learned of someone's death over social media or email, it's more thoughtful to send a card in the regular mail. Either buy a sympathy card from the store, use a blank card with an appropriate picture, or write your note on nice stationery. The note should be handwritten or typed in blue or black ink.
- Don't express condolences over text message.
- If you do express condolences over social media or by other means, send a card, too.
Even if the flowers come with a short note card, send a separate sympathy card with enough space to express your heartfelt condolences.^{[3]
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Research source} This allows you to write the note and sign it yourself, rather than having it printed by a flower shop.
It's best to send a card as soon as you hear about a person's death, which will usually be within a few days or weeks of the person's passing. However, you should still send a card even if many months, or even years, have passed without you knowing about the death. If you don't send a card, the person may wonder whether you care. Even if it's a little awkward to send a card late, it's definitely better than not sending one at all.
4
Avoid overly religious content unless the person shares your beliefs. Saying "my prayers are with you" is completely fine, but copying bible passages or expressing your religious beliefs in other ways isn't appropriate for a sympathy card. The person receiving the card may not have the same beliefs, and you don't want to push yours on him or her at such a delicate time. Stick to universally accepted expressions of love and sympathy, rather than those specific to your religion.^{[4]
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- For example, saying "I know he's in heaven now" may not be appropriate, because the person may not believe in heaven.
- However, if you and the person are members of the same religious group, it's perfectly fine to write a note taking that into account.
5
Don't worry too much about saying the wrong thing. Trust yourself to write a message that expresses your true desire to show the recipient you care. The very act of sending a card is a thoughtful gesture that will be appreciated. Do your best to write a note that is sincere and sweet. If you find it difficult to express yourself through written notes, that's ok - there will be other ways to show the person you're there for them during this difficult time.
- Express your remorse for that person.
- Let the person know that you are there to support them.
- Acknowledge their loss and show that you sympathize with them.

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Tips

Send the sympathy card as soon as you hear about the loss. You may have the opportunity to speak with the person face to face, but sending a card to let them know they are in your thoughts is thoughtful and respectful.

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Sympathy cards can help you figure out what to say when someone passes away, but don't feel limited to the pre-written message in the card.

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